it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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