Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
