so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
