Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
