Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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