yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
