I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
