I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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