it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
