Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
my liver is dry heaving
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
