The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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