He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
