Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
