i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I want to stick my p in your. b.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she peed on how many people?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
