Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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