I got chris browned last night
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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