I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Green mimosas i think yes
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
and you fell through a lawn chair
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