please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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