Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
