so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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