Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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