You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
