Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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