I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
