he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
