I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
