the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
