She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
