Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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