Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
