The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
