So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
