2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
