I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
