I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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