Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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