Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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