I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
