if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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