my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
