did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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