i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
