JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
