I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Randomize
