As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
