I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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