Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm passing your future prison.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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