Ambien. No doubt about it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
