I must be too annoying 4 u.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Randomize
