She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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