the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
