Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
