she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
