It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you will always have a special place in my vag
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
