I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
