ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
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When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
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I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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