i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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