you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
