I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
