i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
