she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
