having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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