doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
