WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
