Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
