Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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