I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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