I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
