You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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